I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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