Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i think i just lost a toe
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
