His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
