I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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