My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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