Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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