Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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