god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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