then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
