After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
