i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
