saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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