i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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