just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
