Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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