I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
false alarm. still invincible.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
