It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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