have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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