so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
