i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
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why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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