I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
