btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
