Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
