i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
