you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
