I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
