We're like a lot better than the average bears
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
