Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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