Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
