You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
me + whiskey = a bad person
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
