I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
