I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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