I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My vagina is officially offended.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
