my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
