I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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