her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
