the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
