she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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