Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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