I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
