She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
