Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
