Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
