I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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