that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
