I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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