I'm gonna have a badass scar
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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