I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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