I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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