I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
not ubering you a puppy
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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