Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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