my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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