She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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