look no pants
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
