I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize