Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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