I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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