and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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