Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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