My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
