i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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