I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
