is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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