R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
