Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
