i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
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