I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
