Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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