They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
