So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
