My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Randomize
