She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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