you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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