You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
