GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
