Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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