apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
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When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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