your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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