Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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