you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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