If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
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But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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