whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
